Happy New Year Or Something Like That

I don't like New Years. I have a hard time letting go of the current year and welcoming a new one. I bounce between a state of reflection and panic after Christmas. I remember all of the things I still wanted to accomplish during the year, and suddenly I lost my chance. It makes me feel like a failure. The icing on the cake is the date change. Great, so now I have to start writing 1/8/15 instead of 1/8/14? Really? FML.

I think the root of my dislike has to do with my inability to let go in general. I hold on to things and people and relationships and don't want them to change, mostly out of fear. But why am I afraid? The future doesn't have to be scary. In fact, this new year just might be amazing. The key is to live in the moment... as cheesy as that might sound. The current moment simply IS and you have two choices: embrace it or fight it. Embrace it=happy... Fight it=unhappy. I have a real problem with living in the moment. I'm constantly thinking about my to-do list or what I "should" be doing that would be more productive.

I'm also a serial daydreamer, fantasizing about my life as a filthy rich Oscar-winning actress, or hot housewife living in domestic bliss with my darling children, or the next Barbara Walters, or as President of the United States. It's easy for me to get so caught up in trying to make it to the future that I forget about the present or dismiss it as unimportant. And just like that--another year has come and gone.

This year I have three goals. That's it.

1. Live in the moment. Enjoy the gift of today, the present. Stop living for the future, when I'll be happy because -xyz- happened. Make my life now amazing and happy and something I never want to give up.

2. Be true to myself and learn the art of self-acceptance. Stop trying to change my essence; I'm amazing just the way I am. I don't need to change to fit some kind of mold. I'm shy, introverted, sensitive, un-athletic, introspective, and just perfect. Stop fighting these traits and embrace them. My unique traits are needed and add to the richness of life.

3. Get an awesome, fulfilling job that compliments my personality and strengths. Being true to myself is very important professionally as well. I've tried to do sales and marketing by masking myself as a bubbly extrovert and it made me miserable. Remember those solar jobs? I hated my life so bad I had to take off to Utah for a month.

I get so distracted by guys. They are my total weakness, and I fall apart when things don't work out the way I hoped. Here's an awesome reminder to focus on your career instead of a man courtesy of my fav, the one and only Lady Gaga. Here's to an awesome 2015!

XOXO Heidi

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