Dating Rant
I'm giving myself 5 dating guidelines in an attempt to lessen my frustration and disappointment with dating and the male race.
1. ALWAYS ask myself: What am I getting out of this?
- Whether it's the first date or the ninth, my happiness and self-respect is number one. If he's not continually blowing me away in some shape or form, he's not worth my time. (Examples: F.L. "the taker" and B.M. "the friend with benefits").
2. NEVER kiss a guy until he's earned that privilege from me!
- He definitely hasn't earned it after the first date, and probably not even after the third. For all I know, he could disappear. He must prove he's going to stick around because he likes ME, not just because he likes kissing me or some other selfish reason. (Examples: Chad, Max, and many more...)
3. Be SELECTIVE, not picky.
- If I can tell we're not compatible or a match, politely tell him so. Stop giving guys the benefit of the doubt, hoping I will suddenly be interested once we go on a date. It's never worked before, it's not going to work in the future. My time is my most valuable commodity. There are a million and one things I can do once I'm home or on the weekends. Why waste it with someone who isn't worth it? (Examples: So many their names have all blurred together in one messy clump).
4. Don't encourage a friendship if he's not boyfriend material.
- Sorry to say it, but I don't need more guy friends. I've got a group of them and there's absolutely no reason to expand that circle, for a few reasons. Being purely friends with a guy complicates things. One is almost always wanting more than friendship from the other. And it's basically impossible to be "friends" after you break up for the same reason. It's unnecessary pain we inflict upon ourselves. Also, what good does it do to spend my limited time with guys I'm not romantically interested in? Ultimately it takes away time I could be spending with someone I'm compatible with. (Examples: D.J. and J.S. and others).
5. Don't add a new guy I'm interested in/starting to date as a Facebook friend.
- However much I may want to add him in order to look at pictures, post cute comments etc., it's not a good idea for several reasons. If things turn sour, I have to deal with his updates and seeing the reality that I'm not in his agenda anymore, which hurts if I really liked him. What if we become exclusive so it says "in a relationship," but then break up later? I'll have to take it down. And hear all the pity comments from people who stalk me but aren't my in-person friends. Not worth it. Also, it's too tempting to check up on his online activity. Who's that girl that commented on his wall? He commented on a status at 9:30 when he told me he was with his family and couldn't call me! OMG he must have been lying to me! See, unnecessary drama I create that I DON'T NEED! However, I will add him as a friend if we become engaged. He's earned my trust and a place in my online life by that point. (Examples: Eh. Most of them I've deleted by now).
Now the hard part is respecting myself enough to follow these guidelines I've set for myself. I deserve to be treated well, with kindness and respect. I hope I can stick to this. Oh dating, that crazyawful thing I love to hate.
1. ALWAYS ask myself: What am I getting out of this?
- Whether it's the first date or the ninth, my happiness and self-respect is number one. If he's not continually blowing me away in some shape or form, he's not worth my time. (Examples: F.L. "the taker" and B.M. "the friend with benefits").
2. NEVER kiss a guy until he's earned that privilege from me!
- He definitely hasn't earned it after the first date, and probably not even after the third. For all I know, he could disappear. He must prove he's going to stick around because he likes ME, not just because he likes kissing me or some other selfish reason. (Examples: Chad, Max, and many more...)
3. Be SELECTIVE, not picky.
- If I can tell we're not compatible or a match, politely tell him so. Stop giving guys the benefit of the doubt, hoping I will suddenly be interested once we go on a date. It's never worked before, it's not going to work in the future. My time is my most valuable commodity. There are a million and one things I can do once I'm home or on the weekends. Why waste it with someone who isn't worth it? (Examples: So many their names have all blurred together in one messy clump).
4. Don't encourage a friendship if he's not boyfriend material.
- Sorry to say it, but I don't need more guy friends. I've got a group of them and there's absolutely no reason to expand that circle, for a few reasons. Being purely friends with a guy complicates things. One is almost always wanting more than friendship from the other. And it's basically impossible to be "friends" after you break up for the same reason. It's unnecessary pain we inflict upon ourselves. Also, what good does it do to spend my limited time with guys I'm not romantically interested in? Ultimately it takes away time I could be spending with someone I'm compatible with. (Examples: D.J. and J.S. and others).
5. Don't add a new guy I'm interested in/starting to date as a Facebook friend.
- However much I may want to add him in order to look at pictures, post cute comments etc., it's not a good idea for several reasons. If things turn sour, I have to deal with his updates and seeing the reality that I'm not in his agenda anymore, which hurts if I really liked him. What if we become exclusive so it says "in a relationship," but then break up later? I'll have to take it down. And hear all the pity comments from people who stalk me but aren't my in-person friends. Not worth it. Also, it's too tempting to check up on his online activity. Who's that girl that commented on his wall? He commented on a status at 9:30 when he told me he was with his family and couldn't call me! OMG he must have been lying to me! See, unnecessary drama I create that I DON'T NEED! However, I will add him as a friend if we become engaged. He's earned my trust and a place in my online life by that point. (Examples: Eh. Most of them I've deleted by now).
Now the hard part is respecting myself enough to follow these guidelines I've set for myself. I deserve to be treated well, with kindness and respect. I hope I can stick to this. Oh dating, that crazyawful thing I love to hate.
I love your blog bub. The bathroom one made me laugh, so true!!!! I love you, you are such a good person with a good heart who really wants to make a difference and do the right thing. You will do great and wonderful and meaningful things and you will find a real man someday too. I just know it. Keep your chin up you beautiful girl.
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